Cow Cuddling
by Travis Eklund

This is a fairly accurate re-accounting of events from early fall 2018; with perhaps some very minor embellishments. 🙂

It was a fine fall day in the Alberta foothills and the crew was moving the herd between pastures.  As they finished the move they came across one old tan cow who was pretty lame. Not liking to see a lady in distress the cowboys decided to offer their assistance and medical expertise.  Spreading out, they each took down their lariat and proceeded to introduce themselves.

You’d think the old girl would be flattered, being chased after by so many handsome cowboys. She hadn’t had this much attention in a long while but she didn’t seem to be that impressed. In fact she was down right stubborn about it. She led the cowboys on a merry chase around the pasture for a while until they final managed to stick a couple ropes on her.  Fitting of her age and medical condition, the cowboys eased her down to the ground and treated her with antibiotics for a bad case of foot-rot.

This gentle handing impressed the old girl and she decided to stop playing hard to get.  After all, these gentlemen had gone to a lot of effort to help her. Perhaps she should give them some affection in return.

The elderly bovine decided to give her affection to Stan.  It could have been that Stan was wearing cologne.  Perhaps it was his cheerful demeanor.  Maybe she liked the way he looked in his hat, chaps and boots.  She probably liked the feeling of his manly hands on her hide when he was taking off the ropes.  Whatever the reason, that old cow took a real shine to Stan.  When Stan took the last rope off, the cow immediately jumped up and tried to cuddle with him!

Stan has always like blondes but that tan cow was pretty old and the snot running down her nose was a turn off.  Besides, he was a happily married man with a fine wife so he decided to turn down the cow’s invitation for a cuddle.  Unfortunately the cow had her heart set on Stan and kept up her pursuit.  Stan was backpedaling fiercely, hitting the cow in the nose but the old gal wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Finally the cow decided she was just going to take Stan with her. She put her head between his legs, lifted him onto her neck, and started to leave.

They were never sure if all the hollering and swearing bothered her or if she just had a desire to look deep into Stan’s eyes. Whatever the reason, the old cow flipped Stan back onto the ground. Then she got serious.  She started rolling Stan around, desperately trying to show Stan the depth of her affection for him.  At this point most men would have given in. It’s not every day a tall blonde puts the moves on you!  But No means No and Stan stuck to his guns.

At this point the rest of the crew figured Stan needed some help. The boss rode his horse over and politely tried to intervene.  The cow sure didn’t like having her cuddle time with Stan interrupted!  She started pushing and hitting the boss’ horse.  Horse and rider stood their ground and took her abuse, giving Stan the chance to escape.  After a minute or so she quit fighting and looked around for Stan but he was hiding behind his horse, out of sight.  The old cow, getting tired and having a short memory, quickly lost interest wandered away to rejoin the rest of the herd.

The ride home was a pretty quiet. Stan seemed a little shocked by the ferocity of the old girl’s attentions.  He wondered how he would explain the cow lipstick on his collar when he got home.  Everyone else was too busy stifling their laughter to talk.